so its been a long time since i last wrote something ... i feel like ive abandoned the blog a bit.
Recently ive been thinking alot about the future and what i really want to do --- and honestly i cant even say. I mean the end of school is right around the corner and with it is everything ive grown familiar to. My friends, teachers, and overall surroundings ive worked so hard to understand and master are going to change in a flick of a switch. But although this is a bit nerve wreaking... i can not wait. Im excited to see a new life and experience people i have yet to before. I feel a little trapped at times here, like no matter how hard i paddle, my boat is just circling in the same radius of opportunity and im tired of it. Don't get me wrong i love all of those that are in my life right now, to death, and would do Anything to care for them but ... i just feel like im merely waiting for the next wave to come; watching it sweep away all the qualities ive grown to love in those that circle me. Ive watched so many of my friends change some for the better but most for the worst. I cant stand watching someone who you thought had all the potential in the world just sink: give up. its not that they dont care or arnt trying ---- you can see it in their eyes when they think no one is watching, theyre just tired and afraid. grasping any sort of hope floating above them, never seeming to clasp it tight enough, and before you know it theyre even lower than before. But you know they can do it; you try everyday to pull them back up to the surface but with out their will to help propel them up... its just dead weight. And you must decide whether or not youre going to clentch on and sink with them or let go and start kicking. I dont want to make that decision, i want to be able to grab their shoulders and shake them back to their senses because THEY ARE ENOUGH . And it worries me that if i leave and am gone...is anyone going to be there for them. I mean distance is nothing when it comes to those you love... but its enough to lose touch which is all it takes to lose the look in their eyes that screams "help me, someone please help me." With out that connection you once had whos to say youll even notice the pain in their eyes when their only concern is masking the face within --- giving you the false joy that maybe things have turned out okay...
Recently ive been thinking alot about the future and what i really want to do --- and honestly i cant even say. I mean the end of school is right around the corner and with it is everything ive grown familiar to. My friends, teachers, and overall surroundings ive worked so hard to understand and master are going to change in a flick of a switch. But although this is a bit nerve wreaking... i can not wait. Im excited to see a new life and experience people i have yet to before. I feel a little trapped at times here, like no matter how hard i paddle, my boat is just circling in the same radius of opportunity and im tired of it. Don't get me wrong i love all of those that are in my life right now, to death, and would do Anything to care for them but ... i just feel like im merely waiting for the next wave to come; watching it sweep away all the qualities ive grown to love in those that circle me. Ive watched so many of my friends change some for the better but most for the worst. I cant stand watching someone who you thought had all the potential in the world just sink: give up. its not that they dont care or arnt trying ---- you can see it in their eyes when they think no one is watching, theyre just tired and afraid. grasping any sort of hope floating above them, never seeming to clasp it tight enough, and before you know it theyre even lower than before. But you know they can do it; you try everyday to pull them back up to the surface but with out their will to help propel them up... its just dead weight. And you must decide whether or not youre going to clentch on and sink with them or let go and start kicking. I dont want to make that decision, i want to be able to grab their shoulders and shake them back to their senses because THEY ARE ENOUGH . And it worries me that if i leave and am gone...is anyone going to be there for them. I mean distance is nothing when it comes to those you love... but its enough to lose touch which is all it takes to lose the look in their eyes that screams "help me, someone please help me." With out that connection you once had whos to say youll even notice the pain in their eyes when their only concern is masking the face within --- giving you the false joy that maybe things have turned out okay...
im not even sure what i was trying to accomplish with this...but i think im just saying that change is scary and usually for the better but with change dont forget those who were with you at your weakest --- and remenber to be present with all those around you. Because its the little subtle hints in life that we ignore that are truly the most important.
Sorry if this gave you a migraine - i could barely follow...
