Class of 2014

as we sit formally and accordingly
it all comes to an end 
the lives we have all been nurturing into a creature called "me"
are suddenly being introduced into the wild 

chains are shattering, ties to those both despised and adored whittle away
as the sea of blue calms, winds will call into the abyss "This is your time!"

we have earned celebration 
late nights, early mornings, investment into the future
hard work has paid off

an eggshell colored scroll skims the ever stretching lines across our palms
here
the flawless journey we have all lived
now
we are certified to dream
certified to live the perfect picket fenced life

but what no one will mention

no one will dare let pass their lips

is the truth

no one will mention this isn't the dream 
the fence from the inside is an unfinished splinter infested divider
smothered in gloss finish paint to conceal the blemished
no one will mention the scars that have worn their hands over the years

it will be left unsaid
that hard work was paid off
late nights, early mornings, have been wasted
sweating through heavy eyes

deadlines

deadlines

dead lines out line the half circles beneath our souls 
as we sip our addictions
living the routine that of middle aged business men
our bodies have been used up

used

to memorize
summarize 
generalize a student body of scores 

a generation of hole punched doors

no one will mention those they watched drown beneath it all
demons emerged and while some confronted and overcame
others became

became all they had swore to never know 
and as broken pinkies hide behind our backs 
and our outreached hand grasps another eggshell colored parchment 
we can't help but wonder
this...this moment is our time?

 

...

Little Pieces

"I hate that when I scream, and I scream bloody murder, that I am screaming into emptiness. I hate that there is no one to hear my scream and that there is no one to help me learn how to stop screaming. I hate that what I have turned to in my loneliness...is killing me, has already killed me, or will kill me soon. I hate that I will die alone. I will die alone in my horror."

- A Million Little Pieces

(aka the best book)

Cry Out

Break Free

We all have pressures around us telling us what we are and how we should live when in reality if we just took a moment to appreciate the beauty we have within --- let it free --- we could accomplish things we never dreamt possible.

Inside there is beauty.

Attempt at art

"Our craziness; it’s just like a big fucking distraction. The feeling inside, whatever it is, sadness, pain, loneliness, heartache, it’s trapped inside like a caged animal. That’s what makes you fucking crazy."

This is my attempt of creating a realistic human....and yes she has this quote as a tattoo; an deep fictional character (quote props silver linings playbook).

what? im working...

waiting for class...pretending to be as efficient with my time as everyone else in here, but honestly i just dont want to.

grab your umbrella

:) (<---that'll be funny later)

it's been rough lately.

i mean nothings more true than, "when it rains, it pours;" it seems as if everything is crashing down at once. i just don't necessarily know how to control life right now, usually i deal with things by internalizing them and dealing however best fit at the time. and i don't do this because there's no one i could console in, honestly i hate seeing the pity in peoples eyes; and half the time they only "feel bad" because they think they should; and what can they do for me that i can't on my own? i always try to be strong for the people around me, because i know i can handle it...get over it...but it just feels different recently. no one will just let me be, and because they know somethings bothering me instead of letting me live behind a smile covered curtain; everyone insists on "helping". the tipping point was the recent death in the family, i haven't; cried, reminisced...addressed it in the slightest; i know i Am sad but i don't Feel it; and it's made me start to think if i even feel anymore. i've unintentionally desensitized my life in order to Be "happy". i even find myself not wishing to attend the funeral solely from fear, fearing the pain and sadness to follow; fearing not knowing to what degree it will come. not that this is some depressing, "i see no sunlight in the world," statement; i have things to be happy about but im just tired; of being sad, lost, comforting, taken for granted; tired of being tired. ironically enough i don't sleep anymore, i can't even remember what it feels like to lie down before 3 a.m. living the glamorous life of caffeine with a side of free pizza. one up side is the amount of cds i've acquired; some girls get their hair done, or find a recyclable male to feel good about themselves; i purchase slivers of emotion. is this a problem? ...probably (minimum wage life)... but next to being and drug addict or reckless sloot with "daddy issues", i would view it as a very responsible decision. listening to someone say all the things im thinking mimics uncensored human interaction --- mimics --- but even if it  is falsified... that's all i want.

i don't need my thoughts to make sense, they rarely do, i just need them to do something. 

ja feel? <----it's a joke cause it's asking if you (the reader---tiny voice in head) understand by asking if you Feel. but if you do Feel you probably don't understand so it almost a trick

 ... i laughed. 

Hey Progress

ill take one...

Well done Bradley Cooper, just when I thought all attractive-ness for you had been achieved... I saw American Hustle. Perms and deep collars lined in gold have never looked so good, can the world please go back to this fashion. 

No Shame.

(p.s honorable mention to the actual movie... it was incredible)

---

I don't have time to feel.